I’ve got the whole wide world in my hands

While my circles of friends have been busy buying houses, getting married, having babies and generally growing up. I’ve been on random weekends away, indulgent shopping sprees, moving back into the bedroom that was mine 10 years ago and generally discovering what I want from life.

There are times I seem way older than my years. I’ve always been known to have a sensible head, (minus the summer in Ibiza, the year I was 19/20, oh and that Saturday night last month). So what exactly is a sensible head? One that makes wise choices? One that weighs up the risk before jumping in? One that takes the safe option? One that knows no matter what the outcome is its never going to really be that bad? Does sensible = wise? Or does it in fact = scared?

So… Am I happy having a sensible head? In short yes. I’m happy staying with my parent, I’m happy not being married/engaged, I’m happy having no kids. Am I happy to live like this forever? Hell no! Therefor at some point I’m going to need to lose the sensible head and take a risk. Borrow thousands of pounds to buy a house that could all go wrong, give my heart completely to someone who could break it in a second, become responsible for someone other than myself. Do I trust anyone enough to have such a big part in my life or rather do I trust myself enough not to screw it all up. It’s easy to make choices influenced by those surrounding us, that way, when it goes wrong we have someone else to blame. It’s much more difficult to take responsibly for your own actions. I don’t like being wrong, I don’t like failing and I certainly don’t like taking responsibility. I don’t want to maybe end up bankrupt, I don’t want to maybe break someone’s heart, I don’t want to maybe be solely responsible for another human life. Regardless of this I also don’t want to be the girl who dreamed her life rather than lived her dreams, who had lots of ideas that never materialised because she was always so sensible so scared of failing. Risk = opportunity it is there for the taking and if it all goes wrong then – I will have failed reaching for my dreams rather than failed to have even tried.

It’s time to stop being so sensible and take a few risks.

Let the risky, tiresome, mistakes and fun commence.

Lets start with buying a house. That’s right this commitment phobic ain’t quite ready (and still a bit too sensible) for marriage and kids but I am ready for bricks and mortar and god dam hard work. Let the saving, planning and renovations begin.

For now and forever

Jx

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